<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Behind the Curtain by DrimmsyDra</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24572839">Behind the Curtain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrimmsyDra/pseuds/DrimmsyDra'>DrimmsyDra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hold Me Until the Dawn Comes [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The A-Team (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Major Character Injury, Vietnam War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:14:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24572839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrimmsyDra/pseuds/DrimmsyDra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The second part of my story Hold Me Until the Dawn Comes. We get to the 80's here, the chapters are directly connected with the show. I'm referring to the episodes "Curtain Call" and "Bounty".</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>H. M. "Howling Mad" Murdock/Templeton "Faceman" Peck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hold Me Until the Dawn Comes [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1481600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>From Capt. HM Murdock's diary</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I listen to</em>
</p><p>
  <em>thousands of voices hidden in the pillows.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't feel</em>
</p><p>
  <em>my hot tears on my cheeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stand by me in my nightmares</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and don't leave me inside the white walls.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I run</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and yet I stay here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I cry</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I never want to surrender to the silence.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You keep holding me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>in all the scary days,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>even though I scream</em>
</p><p>
  <em>until I am out of breath.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stand by me in my nightmares</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and don't leave me inside the white walls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when I start to be scared of myself,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>stay where I should stand.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Use your voice</em>
</p><p>
  <em>to banish fear forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Cause I'm scared I'm only dreaming,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>howling deafly in the walls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So hold me tight,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when I'm getting lost,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>heading to the madness,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and my mind seems to be sleeping.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So stand by me in my nightmares again</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and don't leave me inside the white walls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when I start to be scared of myself,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>stay where I should stand.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You know the shelters from bad dreams,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>so stand by me inside the white walls…</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>California, 1984</p>
<p>Hannibal breathed a sigh of relief as he saw his Lieutenant, along with Tawnia, struggling through the bushes.</p>
<p>"Face! Over here!"</p>
<p>"How is he?" Face asked worriedly.</p>
<p>"Not so good. He lost a lot of blood and is feverish."</p>
<p>"Shit!" Face swore, wiping his sweaty forehead. "I was trying to get that stupid first-aid kid as quickly as possible, but the whole station is full of Decker's people. I had to be careful."</p>
<p>"I know, kid," Hannibal squeezed his shoulder encouragingly as they stepped side by side into the mine.</p>
<p>This was a fucking bad day. Decker had been on their heels since the early morning, and when it seemed they had won and their mission could be declared successful, the Colonel had made the mistake of turning his back on the enemy. If Murdock hadn't been so quick, Hannibal wouldn't be here anymore. The crazy pilot was always willing to lay down his life for any of them, and Hannibal cursed himself for his own arrogance and stupidity that had put them in this damn situation.</p>
<p>Murdock had been lucky; the bullet had missed all the vital organs, but with miserable options, they had been unable to get him to the hospital. His prospects were worse minute by minute. And if he didn't survive, Hannibal knew it would be completely his fault.</p>
<p>"Come on, Murdock! I won't let you die, man. You're my friend! Murdock, come on. I was just playing about that crazy bit. Come on, buddy!"</p>
<p>A desperate voice filtered down the passageway. When they entered an artificially excavated cave, they saw the Sergeant sitting on the ground holding a pallid pilot in his arms. Murdock was obviously unconscious and BA was shaking him fearfully.</p>
<p>"It's all right, BA. It's gonna be all right," Hannibal said, kneeling beside him. He quickly checked Murdock and turned to the others with a frown.</p>
<p>"He's too weak to be moved. We haven't got any choice. I'll have to get that slug out and everything he took in with it."                                                                                   </p>
<p>"Hannibal, if you're not careful, you're gonna wind up killing him," Tawnia said, holding the lantern, illuminating the four men in front of her.</p>
<p>"He knows what he's doing. Vietnam was a great teacher," Face replied, preparing everything that Hannibal could need.</p>
<p>"We haven't got much time. Decker's got this whole area covered. It won't take him long to find us."</p>
<p>Tawnia watched as Face carefully washed Hannibal's knife with disinfectant. She couldn't imagine that anyone could cut into someone's body with such a huge tool without damaging it irreparably. No matter how long she'd known them, these men still amazed her.</p>
<p>"Face…" Murdock's voice echoed into heavy silence. The pilot tried to reach out to grab his friend's shirt but was too weak. His shaking hand merely waved to the void and fell down beside his body. Face leaned toward him.</p>
<p>"I'm here," he assured him. For a few seconds Face thought that the pilot had fallen unconscious again, but then his dark eyes opened with a shudder. Pain, fever, and blood loss had taken their toll. Murdock was almost in delirium. He swallowed hard, speaking so softly that the Lieutenant could barely hear him.</p>
<p>"Hold me until the dawn comes…"</p>
<p>Then the glassy eyes closed again. Face pressed his lips together tightly and he quickly turned away so that BA, supporting Murdock's head, could not see the tears starting to well up in his eyes.</p>
<p>That one sentence. Hearing it again caused him to feel icy shivers down his spine. When was the last time he heard these words? It could have been about ten years back, he wasn't sure. But he remembered perfectly when he had heard them for the first time. It was the night he'd spent with Murdock in a foxhole near Eunice, the fire support base.</p>
<p>He had understood very quickly during the first days of his friendship with this crazy pilot that Murdock hated being in the jungle. He seemed fearless and confident up in the air; Face had often wondered where Murdock's courage ended and pure madness began, because everything this Captain did with the helicopter was not only brave, it was totally insane. But as soon as the pilot was grounded, everything changed.</p>
<p>Face knew that Murdock had to make emergency landings several times and had remained with his crew in the middle of the boonies. If they were lucky, they quickly reached the nearest base. But sometimes they were out of luck and had to fight their way back with the infantry. And that was Hell for the pilot.</p>
<p>Face had tried to speak about it several times, trying to figure out what had happend to him, but Murdock always turned away from the subject skilfully. It was only when they were stuck together in that foxhole for a night, with nobody else around, that the pilot was finally willing to talk…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Face could hear Murdock's quick breathing. As he stretched out his hand into the dark to touch the pilot's arm, he felt his friend shaking uncontrollably. He fished a flashlight with a red filter out from his pocket and turned it on. In its dim light, he could see Murdock's huge eyes radiating pure terror. Face knew he should try to calm him down somehow, but he wasn't sure how to do it without letting the pilot know that he could see his fear.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"We're lucky," he began in a conversational tone. "It's been quiet for hours. It was worse yesterday, I couldn't hear myself screaming."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The pilot nodded silently. Face reached into another pocket for a wrinkled pack. The last two biscuits of his C-rations. He offered them to Murdock but his friend shook his head.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Come on, buddy, take them. I'm a supply officer, I've already had enough biscuits," he said, nudging him with his elbow. The pilot glared at Face in disbelief, but eventually took one of the biscuits. He nibbled at it and absently rolled a tiny bite around in his mouth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You don't have to worry, it will be a quiet night."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ain't worried about that," Murdock finally said, but his voice was unusually low.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh… okay."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The pilot looked at him again, his eyes so dark and deep that the Lieutenant was almost lost in them.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm afraid of what I have up here," Murdock whispered, tapping his right temple with his finger. "The jungle is pulling it all back to the surface. And I don't want it back."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm not sure if I understand, buddy," Face shook his head. Murdock sighed heavily, and when he seemed to be going to leave the answer unspoken, he suddenly spoke in a muffled voice.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I did terrible things, Face. I tried to leave them behind, here in the jungle, but whenever I come back, they come back too."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Well… I think we've all done something here we're not proud of, Murdock. This is not exactly a holiday in Tahiti, so–"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I killed dozens of innocent people, Face!" Murdock interrupted him sharply. Then he took a deep breath, rubbing his face with his hand. "I flew a mission for the Company. It was only a few weeks after I settled in the left seat."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Uh, what–"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"After I became a Huey pilot. I was just a copilot before," Murdock explained without letting Face finish his question. "They told us it was going to be a recon. Sure, a secret operation in a territory we shouldn't be in, still only a recon anyway. But it all went wrong. We destroyed a village. It was supposed to be a guerrilla den, but…" Murdock's voice failed. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't even want to think about it. He had been trying to forget all this, but could he? He saw what they had done. He shouldn't have seen it, but he had, finally. Women, children… they killed them. He killed them. He was one of those who pulled the trigger in the belief that he was doing a good thing. They told him he was doing a good thing. But was it really the truth? What was good and what was bad? He couldn't tell out here in the jungle. The jungle turned everything good to bad and vice versa.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"There were innocent people, Face. And I killed them."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"How do you know they were innocent?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Can a three-year-old kid be guilty of something? Can a little baby kill someone, huh?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I didn't know that–"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Neither did I. But it doesn't excuse me. I killed them and they're creeping towards me through this fucking jungle."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"And how did you find out that… that there were any children?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I saw them," he said without further explanation. He knew he would see them until he died. Tiny charred bodies, torsos without limbs, lifeless.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You didn't know. You had your orders. You had to do it," Face said comfortingly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I had to…" Murdock repeated, as if tasting the word. Did he really have to? Did his uniform, his Captain's rank insignia give him the right to kill the whole village? To take the life of a child who had never known why there was a war waging around it? He did it because he wanted to do it. Because he believed he knew what he was doing. He believed what he had been told. 'Everyone believes at the very beginning…' Murdock suddenly began to laugh. He leaned his head back, laughing like a lunatic with his mouth wide open.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"For God's sake, Murdock! Stop it!" Face snapped, startled, grabbing Murdock by both shoulders in an effort to calm him down. The pilot's eyes opened, glowing into the night. All laughter was suddenly gone. The Lieutenant wanted to retreat from his gaze, but found himself unable to move, rooted to the spot.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Do you know what's the worst thing about a war?" The pilot asked hoarsely. Face shook his head. "Feel no guilt at all. I'd give anything not to see those bodies. I try to forget them pretty bad, but whenever I'm here, they come back to me. I have to remember them. If I had forgotten…" his voice was wavering and he had to take a deep breath, "that's how I know I'm still human. 'Cause this jungle makes people beasts, remember that."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Face closed his eyes, feeling Murdock's frustration. He knew what Murdock meant and didn't want to hear any more. Finally, he managed to get his body moving and wanted to move away, but Murdock grabbed his hand with such urgency that he couldn't push him away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"No matter what happens to you, Face. Never let it turn you into a beast!" The pilot stared at him, his eyes glittering with hidden madness. A chill ran down Face's back. "Don't kill just because you have a gun in your hand - just because you can. Never! Too many people have lost their souls here. Don't let it take your soul… keep your self, understand? 'Cause nothing else matters!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He bared his teeth as he said it, clenching his fingers into the Lieutenant's arm. Face gazed at him in horror, wishing he could push him away and vanish into the dark. As he was about to do just that, the pilot finally released him, pulled himself back. Face swallowed to get rid of a lump in his throat and watched his friend, not knowing what to expect. Murdock rubbed his temples with his fingers, then hid his face in his hands. The sight of his despair frightened the Lieutenant even more than the previous quiver of madness.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Murdock," he started, but suddenly didn't know what he meant to say. Swallowing again, he asked quietly, "Are you okay?" There was no answer, Murdock just raised his head, looking at him unhappily. "Is… is there something I can do for you?" Face wasn't sure what he could do to help the poor man at the moment, but he felt he had to do something.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hold me until the dawn comes," Murdock said softly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Face reached out, took his hand gently. The pilot gripped him tightly, leaned against the clay wall and closed his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I don't think I'll ever get out of here, Face," he whispered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't say that! Don't even think about that!" He snapped at him, but Murdock shook his head.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"No, you don't understand. Even if they suddenly, right now, declared peace and sent us back home, my mind would stay here. I'll carry this piece of Hell with me forever."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Face felt his eyes burning and blinked quickly several times. Then, in a sudden need to support himself, he pressed himself against Murdock, hugging him tightly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
  
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"That's not going to happen, Murdock. Once we get out of here, everything will be fine again."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Only if morning comes," he heard the pilot murmur so softly that he wasn't sure if he wasn't just imagining it. He didn't ask. He preferred not to say anything at all. He just held him tight, trying to suppress all of the despair that radiated from his friend.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>At the time, Face had thought Murdock was talking about an ordinary morning. It was only later that he realized that the pilot meant something else. Had the morning ever come for him? Face was sure it had. At least his behavior looked that way. All those hysterical fits and states of apathy had disappeared, and the number of nightmares had been greatly reduced. So why had he said it again?</p>
<p>Face watched quietly as BA carefully laid the limp body on the ground. The pilot came to again and his face contorted with sudden pain.</p>
<p>"Sergeant, hold the light as close as you can. You too, Tawnia. Lieutenant, I want you right here. I need your hand," Hannibal ordered as he gently rolled up Murdock's shirt and cut his T-shirt. Face moved closer, quickly washing his hands with disinfectant.</p>
<p>While he and Tawnia were looking for a first-aid kit, Murdock's condition had deteriorated considerably. Face tried to suppress the fear that nearly paralyzed him and shut his mind to Murdock's moan. He knew their friend was going through incredible Hell. Without anesthesia or any strong painkillers, Hannibal was going to cut into his body, trying to pull out that damn bullet. If Murdock hadn't jumped in its way, the Colonel wouldn't be here anymore. And Hannibal was trying to do his best to keep the pilot alive, to pay the bill.</p>
<p>Face had seen him do similar field surgery a few times in Vietnam, but never to any of them. He admired Hannibal's calmness and confidence, hoped no one could see how scared he was himself. As he handed Hannibal the long tweezers, he noticed with relief that his hands were still, without the slightest shaking. That was good, because he was shaking inside like a scared little boy. And he certainly didn't want anyone to know.</p>
<p>Face raised his head for a moment, looking at the others. Tawnia held her kerosene lamp bravely over Murdock, but her head was turned away, not looking at Hannibal's hands. BA, on the other hand, watched everything very carefully, but Face could see his nervously clenched teeth. He looked as frightened as Face felt, but his hand holding the other lamp did not shake either. Vietnam had trained them all.</p>
<p>Hannibal finally found the bullet and pulled it out, making Murdock moan louder. Face quickly handed him a little bottle of disinfectant, tried not to hear the sharp hiss escaping the pilot's lips as the Colonel poured the clear fluid into his wound. It would be far better if he fainted from the pain, but this was the dark side of their training and strengthening. They could handle too much.</p>
<p>"Did you know there's a bug in that first aid kit?" Hannibal asked as he threw away the last tuft of cotton soaked in blood and pressed a large square of cotton pad against Murdock's wound.</p>
<p>"What?" Face frowned.</p>
<p>"Decker is probably on his way right here."</p>
<p>"What you wannna do, Hannibal?" BA licked his lips, visibly upset. There were not many options in this old, closed mine with almost no equipment and a member of the Team who needed an immediate blood transfusion. He couldn't imagine that they would escape unscathed this time.</p>
<p>"I have a plan, but…" Hannibal paused as the wail of the sirens reached their ears. He quickly fished the bandage out of the first aid kit, tossed it to BA. "Wrap his head so nobody will know who he is. Face, hide somewhere. I'm going out to welcome Decker."</p>
<p>"Hannibal, you can't!" Tawnia blurted, grabbing his hand. He shook her off and smiled encouragingly.</p>
<p>"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." He glanced at BA then. "Sergeant, the bandage! Move!"</p>
<p>Before BA could nod, Hannibal disappeared behind a rock bend, heading towards the entrance. BA gently lifted Murdock's head and began to wrap it in a bandage. The pilot murmured something softly and the Sergeant tilted his head closer, trying to hear his weak voice, but Murdock's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell unconscious.</p>
<p>"Hold on, fool," BA whispered, covering his closed eyes with the bandage.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I watched as Colonel Decker got up from the bench and walked to his car.</p><p>"Oh, don't go." I said. "Please don't go. I need you. Colonel, I need you." He stopped for a moment. I began to gibber and he gave me one last look, then got in the car, headed away from the hospital grounds.</p><p>Remaining in my role, I jumped down from the bench, dancing randomly. He believed it. Believed I was crazy. Totally lost in my own world, with my hands tied in a straitjacket, my mind flying miles away. He had to believe, of course. 'Cause I really am crazy.</p><p>Laughing, I continued to gibber.</p><p>I had been unconscious since Hannibal removed the small, fucking bullet from my body. It wasn't until I was in the hospital that I could enjoy the story of how they had pretended I was Face, while our blond Lieutenant had infiltrated Decker's guys, driving us all away in BA's van. Hannibal's plan had come together perfectly this time.</p><p>Glancing back to check that Decker was really gone, I headed for a group of shrubs with a smile.</p><p>"You know, Hannibal, you gotta hand it to Decker. The man does try." Face, hidden with the rest of the Team behind several trees, pointed in the direction Decker's car had disappeared.</p><p>"I'll give him an A for effort, but an F for results," Hannibal grinned amusedly, lighting a cigar certain that there was no danger around.</p><p>"Hey, BA!" Appearing from behind the thick bushes, I stopped in front of the big guy. "You wanna give me a hand and unbutton me, buddy?"</p><p>"No way, fool. You can pound yourself in the ground, scratch your knees with your ears before I let you out of that."</p><p>I looked at him in surprise. Why was he so mean to me again?</p><p>"BA, I thought we were friends?" I breathed out, concerned. "I mean, I thought you carried me through the woods over your shoulder and looked into my pain-filled eyes and helped me rally my strength."</p><p>"What you talkin' about, fool? I don't remember none of that. You just a crazy man seeing things that ain't there<strong>,</strong>" he barked and turned his back on me.</p><p>I couldn't believe it. I wasn't just seeing things again, was I? Yeah, have to admit that I had been losing consciousness every ten minutes, and that pain and fever could add some visions, but I was 100 percent sure he had been worried about me. I remembered him shaking me to keep me on this side of the world as I had been disappearing slowly into the void. No way it was just my imagination.</p><p>I leaned over his shoulder to see his face, and for a second I caught him smiling mischievously at the others. When he noticed I was staring at him, he immediately frowned, puckered his brows into a single strict line.</p><p>Of course, he was teasing me. He keeps looking like a big and evil giant, a fella who would punch you even for looking at him a bit crazily, but inside… inside he has a heart more golden than all the chains he wears around his neck.</p><p>"Gonna get the van ready, Hannibal," he growled walking away, avoiding my gaze. I looked back at him, a bit cranky. I hoped the others would stay a little longer.</p><p>"C'mere, I'll release you," Face said indulgently, reaching for me from the bench.</p><p>I turned so he could get to the buckles on the straitjacket, and as soon as my hands were free again, I breathed a sigh of relief. R<span class=""><span class="">ejecting his offer of further help</span></span>, I took my jacket from him and put it on a little clumsily.</p><p>I felt relatively well already, had been released from the hospital two days ago and the wound was healing quickly. Still, it hurt when I moved carelessly, and it wasn't comfortable to have my arms crossed over it. But it was the only solution to convince Decker I was crazy. He wasn't as stupid as he sometimes seemed to be, and he wouldn't leave me alone if he thought my brain worked the same way as his.</p><p>"Well, we're leaving, Murdock. I have an appointment with a potential client in an hour."</p><p>"But Hannibal, I thought you'd at least stay for lunch."</p><p>"I'd love to, Captain, but Mr. Lee has to be in the laundry in time."</p><p>I nodded sadly.</p><p>"Hannibal, if you don't mind, I'll stay here for a while," Face suggested. I looked up hopefully.</p><p>"Okay, Lieutenant. But stay in touch, I may need you this afternoon."</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>I said goodbye to Hannibal and Tawnia, and sat down next to Face on the bench.</p><p>"Does it still hurt?" He asked as he noticed me rubbing the bandage under my T-shirt.</p><p>"Only when I'm dancing," I said. It was damn itchy at the moment.</p><p>"You know, I was really afraid we would lose you," he admitted.</p><p>"C'mon Face. You can't get rid of me that easily," I grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him, so that he nearly fell off the bench. "Who would drive BA crazy, huh? I can't leave the big guy. He'd be grieving without me."</p><p>Face just grunted. It didn't sound like an agreement. I let go of him, studying him carefully. He looked annoyed as he turned his head away and ran his fingers absently over his tie.</p><p>"I know he was scared to death. I still have bruises from the way he was squeezing me in his arms in terror. Ya know, I think that ugly mudsucker really loves me. He can't hide it behind his fists anymore." I laughed. "He would probably strangle me if he heard it, but he can't deny it to himself. Inside that big golden heart of his, I am–"</p><p>"All right, Murdock, I think I'll go. I should stay close to my phone in case Hannibal calls about the new case."</p><p>He slid off the bench and walked past me without looking at me. I quickly grabbed his arm.</p><p>"Would you miss me?" I asked quietly, my eyes fixed on his face still turned away from me. Not that I cared so much about it after all these years, but Jeez, I did! Somewhere inside me something moved. Something I had pushed stubbornly into the depths years ago. No, I couldn't let it emerge into the light 'cause I was sure I couldn't suppress it again. But I just needed to hear his answer.</p><p>I kept holding him tight until he turned his head to me.</p><p>
  
</p><p>"Sure I would," he replied, pausing for a moment. Then his lips parted into the radiant smile that would put even the most stubborn lady on her back, and added, "Who would help me with all those scams?"</p><p>I was absolutely sure he wanted to say something else originally, but I was content with the answer. And even though I felt sad that he insisted on leaving, I realized it might be better that way. After a close call it would be damned easy to fall in love with him again…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Face watched Murdock secretly in the garden of the VA. The pilot was sitting on a bench under a tree, holding a brown-haired girl around her shoulders. They laughed at something and their laughter eventually turned into a long kiss.</p>
<p>Face felt his stomach knot up. He was used to the fact that whenever he came to visit Murdock, the pilot greeted him with a goofy smile, happy to see him again. It didn't matter if Face  was coming to spring him or if it was just a short ordinary visit, Murdock was always happy, showing his joy with his typical enthusiasm.</p>
<p>This was the first time he hadn't even noticed that his friend had come to see him. How could he have forgotten? Face called him two days ago, planning to take him out for a weekend pass. He wanted to show him his new house in the Hollywood Hills. A luxury villa that Murdock would never have dreamed of, and he dared to forget?</p>
<p>Not that Face wasn't happy for Murdock. Kelly was a sweet, very nice woman. Someone who managed to fall in love with the crazy pilot despite everything he brought with him from Vietnam. This did not happen very often. Face should actually be grateful to her. At first, Kelly helped Murdock when he was on the run from a bunch of bounty hunters and risked her life for him, even though she didn't know him. And now, thanks to her, his eyes were brighter than usual, his skin had a nice healthy color, and his mind remained in reality, which was a very rare phenomenon. Face knew it was good for his friend, but at the same time he felt that the brown-haired lady had suppressed something that was so typical of Murdock. Sure, he should be glad that after so many years, his crazy friend might finally have solid ground beneath his feet, and perhaps a vision of normal real life, too, but why was that accomplished by someone who appeared out of the blue only <span class="tlid-translation translation"><span class="">three</span></span> months ago? After all, it was him, Faceman, who walked with the pilot through Hell, both in Vietnam and after it. Well, it was him and the whole Team, of course. But mainly him!</p>
<p>Face sighed and disappeared quietly from the garden. He was walking down the hall of the hospital when a sweet voice came from behind him.</p>
<p>"Mr. Samson?"</p>
<p>It took him a moment to realize that the nurse was calling him. He was so disconcerted by Murdock that he had forgotten what name he had introduced himself by.</p>
<p>"Mr. Samson, have you found Mr. Murdock?" The long-haired blonde smiled brightly at him.</p>
<p>"Oh, yes. But I don't think he wants to be disturbed. I'll probably have to visit him another time."</p>
<p>"I see. Well… you know I was just thinking…" she paused for a moment, winking at him flirting, "does that mean you are free tonight?"</p>
<p>Face took a look at her with interest. Slim, long-legged, full lips, and luxuriant hair. He put on one of his dazzling smiles, though he was sure it wasn't even necessary at the moment.</p>
<p>"Actually, now that I think about it, yes. I thought I might go to a restaurant for dinner. Just a menu for one. But speaking of that…" he stepped closer to her, taking a strand of her shiny hair between two fingers. He began to play with it. "Would you like to join me? It would be more pleasant not to eat alone."</p>
<p>She smiled at him, nodding.</p>
<p>"My shift ends in three hours. If you can pick me up, I'll be happy to join you, Mr. Samson."</p>
<p>"Please, my name is George," he said, holding out his hand. She took it gently, introduced herself.</p>
<p>"Linda."</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you, Linda. So," he looked at his gold watch, "at six o'clock?"</p>
<p>"I'm looking forward to it," she nodded, giving him another sweet smile. In the end, it might not be such a bad weekend, he thought, and headed for the elevator a little happier.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Face shifted carefully, trying not to wake the girl sleeping on his shoulder. He slipped out of the flood of her long hair and her head slid down onto a soft pillow. She mumbled something, grabbed the tip of the pillow in her hand, but didn't wake up. Face pulled away onto his half of the bed with relief. He felt his skin, heated up by sex, losing heat and his sweat was uncomfortably cold. He could really use a shower now, but that would have woken Linda up, and he was glad the nurse was asleep for the moment.</p>
<p>They spent a really nice evening together and she was very willing to accompany him to his villa after dinner. Well, to his borrowed villa, but she didn't know that. She looked very nice sitting on a white long-haired rug, holding a glass of red wine. And the way she touched him - she was a nurse, after all. It didn't matter that she worked in a psych ward, she still knew very well how to use her knowledge of human anatomy.</p>
<p>After he had satisfied one of their basic needs and his company had fallen asleep, thoughts of Murdock crept into his head again. If Kelly had managed to vouch for him and get him out for the weekend, it was quite likely that he was lying next to her now, sweaty, breathless, and exhausted.</p>
<p>Face could imagine him vividly, with his brown hair ruffled madly in all directions, with droplets of sweat sparkling on his hairy chest, while his big chocolate eyes blazed with happiness. He felt that knot in his stomach again. Why was he even thinking about something like that? And why did he feel this way? He could have any woman he just pointed to. Damn, he might even have those he never pointed to. Murdock had the right to have one too, didn't he? Just for once.</p>
<p>'Because this isn't about Kelly at all, this is about Murdock,' his mind whispered suddenly.</p>
<p>Murdock? How the hell could it be about Murdock? Murdock was his best friend, his… his what exactly? He had no property rights to him, he could hardly expect the pilot to hang on to him all his life. Sooner or later something like this must have happened. Murdock was a normal, physically healthy guy. His head might operate in a slightly different realm, but that never bothered the body and he had his own needs. Needs that Face simply couldn't satisfy… or maybe he could?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"It's all right, Murdock, I'm here with you!" Face grabbed the pilot tightly around his shoulders and forced him to look at him. Murdock's wide eyes darted from place to place as he tried to see everything around him. His large pupils reflected the brightness of a nearby fire; they could hear cries of pain and the barked orders of the commanders from that direction, also a few muffled explosions in the distance, but Face ignored all of that. Hannibal would probably chew his ass that he didn't help put out the fire, but there were plenty of others. He was needed more here. Because if he hadn't noticed Murdock rushing headlong into the jungle in a mad hysteria and not knocked him to the ground in time, they might have been looking for a new pilot tomorrow. In this state, the crazy man would not survive an hour. He would run directly into the enemy's arms.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Stay with me, please! Don't leave me!" Murdock grabbed him convulsively, pulling him closer, hugging him tightly. He practically forced himself into Face's arms.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere," Face replied, patting him on the back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Okay," the pilot breathed softly, resting his head on his friend's shoulder. Face sighed and settled himself a little more comfortably. He knew it would take some time for the pilot to be willing to release him. He'd experienced it several times. It had never been easy to calm Murdock down and get him back from the realm of his vivid nightmares.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Face always held him patiently, rubbing his back comfortingly and rocking slightly with him as if soothing a small child. Today, however, something was different. He couldn't tell what was wrong, but suddenly he felt something had changed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Murdock grabbed him around the neck with one hand and whispered in his ear. "I need you, Face. More than ever…"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm here with you, Murdock. Don't worry, nothing bad is happening," he said, but immediately began to doubt it. There were goose bumps on his skin as he felt the pilot's hot breath on his neck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ain't worried. Not now when you're with me. I just…"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Murdock's lips touched Face's temple lightly and the Lieutenant froze. He hoped for a second that it was just an accidental touch, that his friend was just trying to find a more comfortable position, but then he was sure it wasn't an accident. The short hair in his nape stood on end as the pilot rubbed his face against him and his lips continued to slide gently down Face's neck. It wasn't unpleasant, on the contrary. But this was–</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Murdock!" He shouted out, pushing the pilot away. Murdock reached out, begged in a trembling voice.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Face, please, I need it. I need you!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The Lieutenant stared at him in disbelief. He wasn't sure if he was more shocked by what his friend had just tried to do or by how positively his body had responded.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Since he realized Leslie wouldn't be the first and only one, he had slept with any woman who was willing to go with him. And there were definitely not a few of them. But what Murdock tried was… that was not allowed!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You're completely insane!" He blurted out and jumped to his feet. Murdock looked up, his expression unusually focused and confident.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Maybe I am. But that doesn't mean I can't know what I need. And what I want."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Murdock, you…" he watched as the pilot rose slowly to his feet. He took a few steps back. Looking into those dark wide eyes he suddenly understood. "What did you take?" But Murdock shook his head disapprovingly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I only had a few beers."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't think so. I know you've been taking something. I saw you, remember? How much of that crap did you take?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Nothing. I lost everything two months ago, I'm clean," he said. It was true. He wanted his sedatives. He wanted them pretty bad, but when he tried to find Rhonda in a field hospital, they told him she had returned to the World. He didn't have the courage to ask anyone else, he would probably be banned from flying. Fortunately, he usually had Face near him and everything could be handled better with the blond guy, but sometimes…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Should I trust you?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Have I ever lied to you?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Face studied him. He had no idea what it was that Murdock sometimes took. The pilot had told him it was a kind of sedative. But could he trust him? 'And do you have reason not to trust him?' His own voice whispered in his head. No, he had no reason. Or at least he hoped so. Murdock insisted that he had gotten it in the hospital, so it was probably legal. Yet Face was always annoyed when he caught him with an injection in his hand. It happened to him only twice, but he had to admit to himself that Murdock had never behaved this way. It was different this time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You're drunk," he said at last.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yeah, I guess so," Murdock admitted.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You should go to bed. Alone." He added definitely when he saw Murdock's hopeful expression. "I'll take you to the tent. You'll get some sleep and be all right again in the morning."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Murdock hesitated. He moved his gaze from Face to the fire blazing nearby into the night. The Lieutenant shook his head sharply.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't even think about it, you'd only hurt yourself there in this state. Let's go to your tent."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Murdock obeyed. Face walked half a step behind him to keep an eye on him, but the pilot made no attempt to run away. Tomorrow he might not know what he had done and Face would not remind him. He had better try to forget about it himself. Those few seconds when he had a strange desire to succumb to those fleeting kisses. Because this wasn't allowed. Not with someone who probably didn't have any idea what he was doing. Not with his best friend. And not with anyone of the same sex at all!</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Face caught himself breathing fast. Where had this memory suddenly come from? He had successfully forced it out of his mind in Vietnam because Murdock had never done anything like that again. At the time, he might not really have had an idea of what he was doing, and in the morning he didn't seem to remember what he had asked so urgently the night before. So why did Face remember it? Murdock pressed against him so many times, hugging him with his head buried in his shoulder or hair… Face struggled to remember if anything like that had happened again, but he found nothing. Murdock had always been frightened, hysterical, or desperate, needed nothing more than to be held by someone he could trust. Could Face betray that trust now? Just because he felt that he–</p>
<p>"Is anything wrong, George?"</p>
<p>He almost jumped out of his skin when a quiet, sleepy voice came from beside him. He was so lost in his thoughts that he forgot about the girl lying next to him.</p>
<p>"No. I was just thinking about something," he replied, trying to sound casual.</p>
<p>She touched his hand gently, and only now he realized that he was digging his nails into the mattress.</p>
<p>"Save your thinking for the morning, honey. Whatever it is, it's sure to wait," she said, running her fingertips over his arm and shoulder to his bare chest. She stimulated his nipple with her index finger and as it hardened under the soft touch, she slid slowly toward the other.</p>
<p>"Linda, I don't know if now…"</p>
<p>"Shh," she shook her head with a smile and moved her hand to his stomach. She drew an invisible circle around his belly button and then her finger headed down the narrow path of hair to his cock very slowly. Painfully slowly for his taste.</p>
<p>The vision of Murdock emerged in Face's mind again; the pilot was looking at him longingly with red twinkles of fire in his eyes, but the memory faded as fast as Linda ran her fingers through his pubic hair playfully. Something moved beneath her hand, and Face bent his head backwards into the pillow with a soft groan.</p>
<p>The End</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading.<br/>The story will continue with the third part called "Until the Dawn Comes".<br/>And I'd like to thank Tessa54 for her help and patience; I don't know what I would do without you, muchacha. Thank you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>